I suck as a dad...

I suck as a dad.

There is nothing worse than the sinking feeling of inadequacy inside your stomach.

My first fathers day came with a wave of emotions. I had the incredible privilege of growing up with the best dad I have ever seen. Yet, in my heart, I felt as though I would never be able to be that kind of dad to my kids. Even If I was able to accomplish being like him the world is changing by the day, would the methods he used to bring me up even be relevant today? How could I possibly equip my kids to face an ever changing world?

My first fathers day I felt inadequate.

If as a dad, you ever find yourself thinking, “I can't do this”. “Is that the right thing to do?” “What do I do now?”. I want to give you three steps that I began to take. These three steps changed the way I see fatherhood and myself. I hope they will be for you what they have been for me.

1. Use your words.

When my son was very young, he would sometimes become upset and throw or break something. In those moments my wife would calmly say to him, “Barrett, use your words”. Such a simple phrase yet it changes everything. Barrett would soon begin to describe what was happening, sometimes the words didn't make sense but in his attempt to explain, my wife was able to understand and help him get what he needed.

My feelings of inadequacy are directly connected to my voice box. As the feelings grow my words diminish. I don't talk to my wife about it, I don't ask friends and worst of all I stop explaining it to God.

Many times I feel like Barrett. I don't have the proper words. It's in times like these that we as dads have to push ourselves to use our words. You might be surprised how much headway you can make through attempting to explain. Explain it to your kids, talk to them. Explain it to your wife, talk to her. Explain it to God, talk to Him.

Also it's important to note. These people in your life want to hear from you. Even when your kid slams the door in your face and puts in headphones. Talk to them anyway. You are a dad, use your words.

16 Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. James 5:16 NLT

2. Open your bible.

Inadequacy can sometimes come from things that happen in our lives, failures, wrongs, mess ups and old habits. For me, often the deepest inadequacies are not in something I did or didn't do, they are in someone who I felt like I wasn't or could never be. My identity often becomes fully entrenched in my talent as a father.

When we allow ourselves to become defined by anything or anyone other than Jesus it is detrimental to our ability to be the fathers God desires for us to be.

Not only is it detrimental to our personal health and physical ability, finding our identity in something other than Jesus is a hereditary trait. Meaning not only will it affect me, I can pass it to my kids.

So what do we do? How do I stop this? Use your bible. Allow God's word to define us, speak over us and fill us.

You don't have to have every answer, you don't need to understand every word. Crack open your bible today, charge into the pages of that book and let God begin to heal the wounds that life has left.

Your bible is the essential tool to becoming the man, husband and father God desires you to be.

Your purpose, mission and life instructions are all crammed in the pages of this book.

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

3. Don’t quit.

One of my favorite movie scenes is from the movie Braveheart. I know I know, it's crazy long and parts of it are crazy boring, but man it contains some of the most chill bump filled moments in movie history.

In the movie, William Wallace, the fearless leader of the resistance, which is taking a stand against tyranny and fighting for freedom (I already have chills), is finally captured.

To make a statement, his execution is set for a public place with one of the most gruesome torture devices at the kings disposal.

As he lays there, in front of the crowd, they are literally cranking his guts out. William is in agony. His face is colorless, his body failing. The executioner pauses. To give William one final chance to give it up. One chance to renounce the resistance. One chance to end all the pain. All William had to do was say one word… Mercy. The crowd begins to shout the word for William. Through tear filled eyes they cry out, “Mercy Mercy Mercy”.

William draws a jagged breath. The crowd quiets. The king smirks. No one could withstand that kind of pain. He's going to break.

Then he speaks. With one final scream William yells “Freedom!”. The most hair raising, chill bump filled moment in the entire movie. The crowd gasps, the king loses it and the executioner kills William.

Why do we love it? Because William did not quit. He could not be bought. He could not be tamed. He fought. He died. But he never quit.

William made one thing abundantly clear. To stop him you are going to have to kill him.

As a dad there is always temptation to quit. Temptation to quit trying, to stop making an effort. Maybe if I stopped trying I could avoid all this pain…

Then the excuses come, she didn't, he didn't, they didn't, it's hard, i'm tired…

Dont Quit.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 1 Corinthians 9:24